The challenges faced by David Solie were not uncommon for children of aging baby boomers. His experience in attempting to address possible caregiving solutions for his aging mother was chronicled by Better Living, and the results provide some powerful insight into the best ways of addressing the challenges of aging with parents who strongly desire to remain independent.
David, being a physician’s assistant, thought he knew what was best for his fiercely independent 72 year-old mother. His mother, Carol, was taking care of herself, her other son Roger, who suffers from down Syndrome and the family home. David made the roughly 1,000 mile trip once a month to check in on her and his brother, and increasingly found himself thinking that she needed to make significant changes to her lifestyle to reduce stress and preserve her health.
He urged her to move someplace that would better support her activities of daily living, have Roger move into a community home and consolidate her finances. He even went as far as to suggest that she sell her beloved car for something safer, or pursue a ride-sharing service.
As a result, David’s mother did not talk to him for three years. Even though David had cared for hundreds of older patients as a physician’s assistant, he had failed in communicating care needs with his mother.
What David did not recognize was that his mother’s psychological needs were very different from his own. While he simply aimed to make his mother’s life more efficient and reduce the burden of her responsibilities, what he did not realize was that these were not priorities for Carol.
“She had a powerful need to maintain control over her life at a time when age and illness were making that increasingly complex. And she nurtured a deep desire to see and appreciate that her life had meant something — to consolidate her legacy,” explained Better Living.
The source concludes that it was not until David acknowledged these needs that he was able to reconnect with his mother and help support her decision to pursue aging in place.
Having “the talk” with aging parents is something that the majority of children dread. David Solie borrowed from his own personal experience to write the book “How to Say It to Seniors: Closing the Communication Gap With Our Elders.” He urged children to not view the talk as a “role reversal,” where the children assume parenting responsibilities, but rather to view it as the start of a new partnership.
“We’re not parenting our parents; we’re partnering with our parents,” David Solie said. “You tell them, ‘I think you want to have as much independence as possible, and my job is to help you weigh both sides.’ ”
Fortunately, Independa offers advanced caregiving solutions that are both non-stigmatizing and help to support the decision to age in place.
Our Angela™ software interface ensures that users always have support close at hand. Each Angela user has effortless access to video chat, games, easy family photo and message sharing, a calendar for community events and dining options, as well as many more integrated options. Best of all, these solutions are designed exclusively to be easy for older adults to use and navigate on an LG television.
Used in conjunction with the Caregiver Dashboard, loved ones and caregiver are able to view a Wellness Summary spanning health, activities and safety, as well as video chat over Skype and receive alerts when an issue arises. As age introduces new challengers, the system can be easily integrated with advanced sensors and other Internet of Things enabled devices, creating a dynamic and easy-to-use caregiver support solution. Contact us today to schedule a demo.
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